That Jesse Helms Song
© 1993 Watunes (BMI)
(From "Folk Heroes" [Metaphor])
Well, he fought so hard in them congressional halls
For the rights of white, male heterosexuals
He lobbied with all of them Southern charms
For alcohol, tobacco and firearms
He had a nice smile and an awful big heart
Yes he did, Jesse did
And a good eye for homoerotic art
Wo, yes he did
And he staunchly supported a woman's right to choose
Yes he did, Jesse did
To wear the high heel shoes and the beehive do's
And to accept a set of anachronistic values
He was mighty white
And he loved his country all right
Jesse, yes he did
Wo, yes he did
He felt that colorization of all those classic movies just wasn't right
Yes he did, Jesse did
'Cause everything oughta be seen in black and white
Wo, yes he did
And he felt it was a felony the flag to burn
Yes he did, Jesse did
Or to speak ill of your mother, or to make a left turn
Or to paint anything lavender, or to argue, or to learn
He was mighty white
And he loved his country all right
Jesse, yes he did
Wo, yes he did
Well, he felt that art should be pretty and fine
And he was known to draw a pretty fine line
He spoke for morality with a capital M
And for every moral American
Yes, both of them
He railed against federally funded smut
He had an eight-foot bullwhip up his — however
But he carefully separated church and state
Carefully separated church and state
One at 7:30 and the other at 8
Wo, yes he did
Well, he died like a hero in the drizzlin' rain
Yes he did, Jesse did
When the weight of his skull finally crushed his brain
He was mighty white
And he loved his country all right
And when he died, we cried and cried
We knew that we would miss him like a knife in the side
In heaven they were glad to have him... breaded and fried
Jesse, yes he did
Wo, yes he did