Grandpa, Why?
words and music by Roy Zimmerman
© 1995 Watunes
(an Unreleased Gem)

Doug:
Grandpa, why do you have a gun?
Why do you have a gun?

Andy:
The city is crawling with criminal types
They'll swim through your sewers and up through your pipes
They've got no regard for decorum, and cripes!
I love you, little Billy

Doug:
But Grandpa, why do you have a gun?
Why do you have a gun?

Andy:
The communist menace continues to spread
They'll steal the gold fillings right out of your head
They'll rape you and flay you and leave you for dead!
I love you, little Billy

Doug:
But Grandpa, why do you have a gun?
Why do you have a gun?

Andy:
Government operatives plot the day when
They turn the U.S. over to the U.N.
And try getting a decent hamburger then!
I love you, little Billy
(Now, get lost...)

Doug:
But Grandpa, why-

Andy:
The second amendment is our guarantee
That we can shoot things indiscriminately
And somebody's got to protect you from me!
I love you, little Billy

Doug:
But Grandpa, why do you have a penis?
Why do you have a penis?

Andy:
Go ask your father!

Doug:
But Grandpa, why? You haven't said why!
Why, come on, Grandpa, come on, why?

Andy:
I knew that someday I'd have strapping grandsons
And they'd ask me questions -- inquisitive ones
And if I had a penis, I wouldn't need guns!
I love you, little Billy!