FIRING THE SURGEON GENERAL

words and music 
copyright © 1995
by Roy Zimmerman

You can’t come in
I hear you knocking, but you can’t come in
I hear you knocking, but you can’t come in
‘cause I’m firing the Surgeon General

I used the flog the dolphin
Used to choke the chicken
Used to spank the monkey
Used to fool with the tool

I used to whip the bishop
Used to wax the weasel
But now I’ve learned one they never taught in school

(chorus)

I used to whack the Bobbit
Used to knead the noodle
Used to charm the cobra
Used to ponder pointillism

Used to free the willy
Used to pat the Roberston
But now I got me a new euphemism

I used to think I’d need analysis
Get phalluses full of callouses
Go blind, lose my mind, be romantically disincline

I used to think I’d never be mollied
Or qualified at all if I’d
Go to work as a clerk, try to be anything but a jerk

But now I want to dance and shout
I’m jumping like a trouser trout
‘cause I found a way to bat and make a living at it
Yeah, I got into politics and I’m never coming --
I’m never coming --
I’m never coming out
​
You can’t come in
I hear you knocking, but you can’t come in
I check the lock an’ say you can’t come in
‘cause I’m firing the Surgeon General

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