JERRY FALWELL'S GOD
words and music
copyright © 2003 by
Roy Zimmerman
copyright © 2003 by
Roy Zimmerman
Jerry Falwell’s god was standing by the elevator while we were talking about the party, so we had to invite him. And secretly we were wishing he wouldn’t come, because he’s vengeful and jealous and he tends to smite people. And of course, he knew we were thinking that. So it made him all the more determined to show up and punish us.
And I wanted to invite my god, but I couldn’t find him. Jerry Falwell’s god is hard to miss. The gossamer robe and beard down to here and the button that says, “What Would Jesus Do?” And sure enough, day of party, there he was at the door. And he spoke, spaketh he, saying, “I am come.” And I knew there was a joke there, but Jerry Falwell’s god will not be mocked. So I said, “Come in.”
Jerry Falwell’s god
Jerry Falwell’s god
Huh!
Now I’m no heavenly host, but I throw a decent party. There were people of all kinds there - black, white, Swedish, Norwegian - the whole human spectrum. And right away Jerry Falwell’s god found the two people who would listen to him and began spake-ing in a voice so loud that a guy from the bowling alley came over and asked us would we keep it down.
And he made the lame to walk. And these were my friends, so they were still lame, but they could walk. And he turned the loaves to fishes and the Oreos to Hydrox. Subtle, I thought.
And he divided up the room, divided he, saying, “Gays here, lesbians here, pagans here. Abortionists, feminists, civil libertarians, People for the American Way, and frankly, some of us did not know where to stand. I went with the lesbians.
Jerry Falwell’s god
Jerry Falwell’s god
Huh!
And he pointed his huge finger at each group in turn, saying, “I blame you and you and you who have secularized society and cast me out of the town square.” And I thought, “Man, you ARE the Town Square.” He said, “Lo, I have lifted the veil of protection, for the End Days are here and Judgement is nigh where I will draw the faithful to heaven and leave the unrepentant to walk a desolate earth.” And I thought, “More polyester for the rest of us.”
And he spat fire and he rained toads and he brought forth seven bowls of seven plagues, and finally I just said, “Look, I’ll tell you one thing Jesus would NOT do. Jesus would not wreck a guy’s party. And Jesus would not preach hate. And Jesus would not stand in the rubble and say ‘I told you so.’ And Jesus would not use an international catastrophe to score points for some misogynistic, narrow, homophobic, anti-semitic interpretation of his life and teaching. And if people are jealous and judgemental and vengeful and violent, maybe it’s because you made them in your image. And if people have cast you out of the town square, maybe it’s because you are a finger-pointing, moralizing, rage-aholic stone drag who gives deities a bad name. And if people have turned away from your word, maybe it’s because you have spinach in your teeth!
And he smote me.
Jerry Falwell’s god
Jerry Falwell’s god
Huh!
And I wanted to invite my god, but I couldn’t find him. Jerry Falwell’s god is hard to miss. The gossamer robe and beard down to here and the button that says, “What Would Jesus Do?” And sure enough, day of party, there he was at the door. And he spoke, spaketh he, saying, “I am come.” And I knew there was a joke there, but Jerry Falwell’s god will not be mocked. So I said, “Come in.”
Jerry Falwell’s god
Jerry Falwell’s god
Huh!
Now I’m no heavenly host, but I throw a decent party. There were people of all kinds there - black, white, Swedish, Norwegian - the whole human spectrum. And right away Jerry Falwell’s god found the two people who would listen to him and began spake-ing in a voice so loud that a guy from the bowling alley came over and asked us would we keep it down.
And he made the lame to walk. And these were my friends, so they were still lame, but they could walk. And he turned the loaves to fishes and the Oreos to Hydrox. Subtle, I thought.
And he divided up the room, divided he, saying, “Gays here, lesbians here, pagans here. Abortionists, feminists, civil libertarians, People for the American Way, and frankly, some of us did not know where to stand. I went with the lesbians.
Jerry Falwell’s god
Jerry Falwell’s god
Huh!
And he pointed his huge finger at each group in turn, saying, “I blame you and you and you who have secularized society and cast me out of the town square.” And I thought, “Man, you ARE the Town Square.” He said, “Lo, I have lifted the veil of protection, for the End Days are here and Judgement is nigh where I will draw the faithful to heaven and leave the unrepentant to walk a desolate earth.” And I thought, “More polyester for the rest of us.”
And he spat fire and he rained toads and he brought forth seven bowls of seven plagues, and finally I just said, “Look, I’ll tell you one thing Jesus would NOT do. Jesus would not wreck a guy’s party. And Jesus would not preach hate. And Jesus would not stand in the rubble and say ‘I told you so.’ And Jesus would not use an international catastrophe to score points for some misogynistic, narrow, homophobic, anti-semitic interpretation of his life and teaching. And if people are jealous and judgemental and vengeful and violent, maybe it’s because you made them in your image. And if people have cast you out of the town square, maybe it’s because you are a finger-pointing, moralizing, rage-aholic stone drag who gives deities a bad name. And if people have turned away from your word, maybe it’s because you have spinach in your teeth!
And he smote me.
Jerry Falwell’s god
Jerry Falwell’s god
Huh!
