JOEL OSTEEN

"Jolene"
words and music by Dolly Parton
​parody lyrics byRoy Zimmerman and Melanie Harby

Joel Osteen, Joel Osteen, Joel Osteen, Joel Osteen!
They’re begging you to help your fellow man
Joel Osteen, Joel Osteen, Joel Osteen, Joel Osteen!
But you won’t help ‘em even though you can

Now Houston had a mighty flood
But somehow, it’s your name that’s Mud
‘cause you just want to keep your carpets clean

You swore that there was no access
To your door, and you’re right I guess
‘cause you made sure you kept it locked, Osteen

You offered ‘em your pious prayers
But your prayers couldn’t answer theirs
They needed basic shelter and hygiene

And even when you let ‘em in
How long was it before begin-
Ning to pass the collection plate, Osteen?

Joel Osteen, Joel Osteen, Joel Osteen, Joel Osteen!
You preach about the Good Samaritan
Joel Osteen, Joel Osteen, Joel Osteen, Joel Osteen!
But you won’t help ‘em even though you can

Your mansion is a testament
To living like the one percent
With marble tiles and and pools of emerald green

Your smile is white beyond compare
You’re even slicker than your hair
Your suits are so expensive, it’s obscene

If you were back in Bethlehem
You’d be the one rejecting them
Yeah, “Take a hike” that’s what you’d say Osteen

Joel Osteen, Joel Osteen, Joel Osteen, Joel Osteen!
It’s what you call the gospel of prosperity
Joel Osteen, Joel Osteen, Joel Osteen, Joel Osteen!
What do they think this is, some kind of charity?

You would have had a selfless attitude
​But no one asked you to…
‘cept Jesus, dude

"Joel Osteen" is on the album RIZE UP, available as a CD, as a digital download and as part of the Complete Collection. 

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