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SOCIALIST!
words and music
​copyright © 2009
by Roy Zimmerman

How many Socialists we got here tonight?  Come on, let’s see a show of left hands.  You drive here on a public street?  Socialist.  You go to a public school?  Socialist.  Y’ever visit a public library?  Why?  I’ll tell you why...

    ‘Cause you’re a Socialist!    like Ulysses S. Grant
    Yellowstone National Park - y’ever been there?

    Yeah, you’re a Socialist!
    Like Teddy “Pinko” Roosevelt
    That guy was talking about universal health care.

    You’re a taxatin’, appropriatin’, regulatin’, nanny- state-in’ Socialist!

Y’ever mail a letter?  ‘Course you have...

    ‘Cause you’re a Socialist!
    Like Dwight D. Eisenhower
    He built highways between the states.

    Yeah, you’re a Socialist!
    Like Richard “Red Diaper” Nixon
    He put food stamps on people’s plates.

    You’re a taxatin’, appropriatin’, regulatin’, nanny statin’ Socialist!

How many Socialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?  Too many.  Four to requisition the light bulb,  four more to process the requisition in triplicate, eight to manufacture the light bulb, three to supervise the manufacturing and procurement process, seven to warehouse the light bulb for an indeterminate length of time, four to deliver the light bulb to the WRONG ADDRESS, four more to redeliver the light bulb, six to receive the light bulb and one to SCREW IT UP.  Forty-seven.  

How many Capitalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?  Two.  One impoverished nation willing to exploit its malnourished population and rape its natural resources to manufacture, package and ship the light bulb to Walmart... and me.

You know why that’s funny?  That’s right...

    ‘Cause you’re a Socialist!
    Like Ronald W. Reagan
    Earned Income Tax Credit

    Yeah, you’re a Socialist!
    Like George Double-U-S-S-R Bush
    That guy wrote the book on government interference.
    ‘Course, he never read it.

    
    You are a taxatin’, appropriatin’, regulatin’, nanny-statin’,
    Stalin-huggin’, Castro-kissin’, Marx-fellatin’, spawn o’ Satan Socialist!

    Every last one o’ ya!

"Socialist!" is on the new double-album release THIS MACHINE: THE BEST OF ROY ZIMMERMAN, and on the album REAL AMERICAN, available as a CD, as a digital download and as part of the Complete Collection.
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