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THE MATHEMATICS OF BOOZE
words and music
​copyright © 2014 by

Roy Zimmerman
One equals two
Two equals four

One more equals one more,

One more and one more


One for the road

Equals two for the stool

Equals one to get normal and

Three more to get cool


Again...


One equals two

Two equals four

One more equals one more,

One more and one more


Three equals five

Equals seven or nine

Equals how many will it take

To hit that bottom line?


The Mathematics of Booze
The Mathematics of Booze
It doesn’t follow the usual
will or won’ts

Or the usual don’ts or do’s


When all the plans you’re making one by one

Are coming undone by two’s

That’s your introduction to

The Mathematics of Booze


Now take away your car, and take away your job

And take away your self-esteem

Now add divorce, and add remorse

And multiply by the dream you used to dream


Now try to solve for what you owe your ex

And why you’ve got that bruise

That’s a fine example of

The Mathematics of Booze


The Mathematics of “Who’s gonna know?”

Equals “Who’s gonna drive?”

Equals “Who’s gonna know if I’ve

Made it home alive?”


Oh, one equals two

Two equals four

One more order and you’re

Headed for the door...or the floor


Four equals eight

Equals ten thousand lies

Equals one of those cartoon guys

With X’s for eyes


And now methodically divide in two

All the loved ones you abuse

That’s the hardest lesson in

The Mathematics of Booze


The Mathematics of Booze

The Mathematics of…


​Twelve little steps...



​"The Mathematics of Booze" is on the album THE FAUCET'S ON FIRE!, available as a CD, as a digital download and as part of the Complete Collection.
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©2021 Roy Zimmerman All Rights Reserved
website:jctez12@gmail.com
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